October 10th, 2011

The Greatest Trip Report

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Divorce.
So ends the Greatest Trip of my life.  22 years ago I fell in love and married the woman of my dreams.  I was happy and content in love, full of energy and hope for the future.  I had a needed talent; I sallied forth to Save The World or at least make it a better place – while building a safe, secure and rich life for us.  We had a child, then another, and still more until we had 4 – each child just as precious as the last.  They are great kids.  I found my talents for programming, for complex computer language implementation skills,  for singing and for public speaking.  Life was rich, busy and fulfilling – to me.
To the other person in my life, however, things were different.  20 years later I discover she felt that her life was stifling and constraining – her dreams too long had gone unfulfilled, nay, unnoticed.  Her pain, held inside too long, turned to anger and resentment.  Too late we tried marriage counseling, honeymoon style vacations, long heart to heart talks- but too much water had flowed under that bridge.  About two years ago we gave up the hope of reconciliation and started the process of dividing two lives that had lived together for 20 years.
That process is finally ending.  We have a final legal resolution now and all that remains is the raising of our 4 kids independently.  The situation for the last two years has taken most of my time and all of my emotional energy.  It has been a place of personal growth and introspection, of deep thinking, of tears and sadness.  It has also been (eventually, after a long time of sadness) a journey of joy and discovery; of doing things I have long denied myself (just returned from my 2nd year at Burning Man!!!); and of new celebrations of life.
I’m enjoying my half-time with the kids and becoming more of a Dad and more a part of their lives.  I’m getting my energies back and am feeling more ready to slay more dragons than I have in years.
Look Out World, Here I Come!
Cliff

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